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Path: andrew.cmu.edu!bb3.andrew.cmu.edu!news.sei.cmu.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!csn!csus.edu!netcom.com!richh
From: richh@netcom.com (richh)
Subject: RICHH:  IN THE BELLY OF THE BISTRO
Message-ID: <richhCoB6JB.23n@netcom.com>
Followup-To: poster
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Fri, 15 Apr 1994 16:16:23 GMT
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Xref: bb3.andrew.cmu.edu talk.bizarre:60868 alt.butt.harp:471 alt.prose:1568 rec.arts.prose:1608

     Our story thus far:  Jonah, the wily scoundrel, was thrown
overboard during a heated debate with the cabin boy over the
question of man's place in the universe and Aquinas' ontological
arguments concerning the existence of debutantes.  He floated for
days on a piece of wood with no comfort except his well-thumbed
copy of "Nausea".  He was happy until that fateful day when he was 
swallowed by a sperm whale and found himself...

                  IN THE BELLY OF THE BISTRO!!

     "So, Jonah," said the whale, "enjoy being digested?  Hungry? 
How about...SOME MORE *PLANKTON*!  Goes down easy.  Real nice."
     "Argh.  You heartless creature of the seas.  I cannot eat
any more plankton."
     "Say,  how about a nice lobster?  I see one, just up
ahead."
     "I am no fool, you stupid smelly thing.  There is no lobster
ahead.  It is another of your stupid taunts.  Now bring me some
espresso."
     "Ha, Jonah.  I am not your handmaiden; I am the instrument
of your erasure.  I demand respect."
     "Make it a double." said Jonah.  "And I need a light--never
mind, I have found one.  Ah--to smoke..."
     "Cloves?!  Jonah, you fool, you are making me ill."
     "That espresso, or I'll start reciting some Beat poetry you
won't like THAT very much now WILL YOU?!"
     The whale was distressed.
     "Put out that cigarette, you wily captive."
     "Okay, you asked for it.  Shall we begin with, oh, some
Ferlinghetti?  No?  Okay, prepare to HOWWWWWWWWLLL!!!!!!."
     Jonah stood up, adjusted his beret so that its angle was
especially jaunty and began, "I saw the best minds of my
generation.--"
     "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!   Here's your espresso.  Now
stop.  Please stop."
     "You call this espresso?  This is made with sea water!  Time
for some imagists.  No ideas but in things, you know.

          so much depends
          upon

          a red wheel
          barrow

          glazed with--"

     The great beast let out a thunderous cry and Jonah was
brought a proper espresso.
     Time passed.  Jonah quickly ran out of cigarettes.  He
wanted out and he knew just what he had to do.
     "Perhaps," he said, "you have heard of the MTV spoken word
tour.  I think I'll recite for you the best of Maggie Estep. 
Here's one called 'Angry piss-twat.'"
     The whale was nauseated.
     "Now, I think you'll like our good friend Max Flagg:

          Sky fits heaven so ride it ride it
          Child fits mother so hold your baby tight--"

     The great beast vomited and Jonah was eventually scooped up
in a sea of ambergris and became perfume.

RICHH