Lost in tv hell. episode 2
 
So this guy calls from MCI, right?  Now by this time I'm getting
pretty damned  tired of these calls.  I found out earlier today
that my kid broke her arm on  the playground yesterday, but they
couldn't get through because I was on the  phone all day with AT&T,
SPRINT, and MCI.  So I went down there and asked her  principal why
they couldn't tell the operator to cut through, since it was an 
emergency, and she just gave me one of her best 'Don't you think we
tried that, don't you think this has ever happened before, you're
the negligent parent not me not me, my kid's at Harvard--so just
fuck you' looks and told me  that the phone people had blocked
out the emergency lines, so the operator couldn't cut through.
 
All right, I think, time to play hard ball.
 
So I say to the guy from MCI, can he put it in writing?  He calls
my bluff and  says, sure, that his lawyers are already drawing up
the paperwork.  All right, I say, does MCI come with 16-bit Turbo
Grafix, the best animation, and a wide  selection of the hottest
games out there?   The guy's breathing changed and I knew I had
him. "No," he said, "I don't think it does.  But Nintendo doesn't 
even do that."
"Well," I said.  "Genesis does."
 
Genesis does.
 
Genesis does.
 
So now I have no long-distance service at all and that suits me
just fine.  I mean, c'mon, two alimony checks a month, and my
second wife's lawyer makes me pay child support, which I consider
pretty shrewd, seeing as the broken-arm little playground slut
lives with me, eats my food, and threatens me with child-
molestation charges if I step out of line. The other day she shows
me these anatomically-correct dolls she has, just like the ones the
police lady will use when she asks the kid where daddy touched her. 
And then she goes, "Right here, where Billy touched me, and right
here, where everyone touched me, and right  here. . ." "All right,
all right, you can have the bike.  Christ.  Get me a beer already,
willya?"