Selected-By: LRH <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> O wise Oracle, whose advice in love is second to none...
>
> What is the best way to win over the affections of a girl whose
>  personal ad might run as follows:
>
> *SWF, 18, 5'2", 105 lbs., petite, cute, brown hair, blue eyes. Just
>  broke up with boyfriend.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Usenet Oracle suggests that you sing her a love song, and he has
} one that must have been written for the very girl you describe!  (It is
} by Fish Karma, but she will be more impressed if you tell her you wrote
} it specially for her.)
}
}                     She Is the Mammal
}
}     She is warmblooded
}     and she walks on two legs;
}     She bears live young, she
}     doesn't spore, or lay eggs;
}     She respirates and she procreates
}     she digests, and then expels waste!
}
}                Oh, she's ... the mammal for me!
}
}     She has two nostrils
}     that she likes to breathe through,
}     With little hairs inside that capture
}     all the dirt that tries to push its way through;
}     She has a past--she's self-aware
}     She's got opposable thumbs and a vacant stare, oh
}
}     [Chorus]    She's the mammal for me!
}                 She is the mammal that I love!   [repeat]
}
}     She has milk-producing organs
}     that have little clusters of alveoli,
}     A four-chambered heart that beats
}     so wildly when she gets near me,
}     Sweat glands in her hair and skin,
}     a highly developed nervous system!
}
}                 She's the mammal for me!
}
}     Self-projecting cartilaginous processes
}     that I whisper sweet nothings into,
}     A muscular diaphragm and nuclei,
}     free corpuscles too
}     There's so much articulation don't you know
}     between her tibial and her tarsal bones, oh
}
}                 She's the mammal for me!  [repeat etc.]
}
} (c) 1991 Triple K Records
} reprinted under the Oracle Fair Use provision and relevant Geneva
} conventions