Date: Sun, 24 Jul 94 15:12:44 -0500
From: Usenet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Usenet Oracularity #666-09

Selected-By: Jonathan Monsarrat <jgm@cs.brown.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh wise and mighty and sexually talented Oracle....
>
> How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking her orgasms or not when we
> have sex?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The 10 ways you can tell if your girlfriend is faking an orgasm:
}
} 10. You overhear her speaking to her best friend: "Am I still a virgin
} if I've never had an orgasm?"
}
} 9. She answers the phone: "Hello?  <pause> No, I'm not doing anything
} important.  What are _you_ doing?"
}
} 8. She's taking an acting class on faking orgasms.
}
} 7. You took her to a Broadway show, and now she's tired and just wants
} some sleep.  (Long live Seinfeld!!!)
}
} 6. She asks: "Would you mind if I invited a friend over to finish the
} job?"
}
} 5. She says: "We're going to be on Oprah next week."
}
} 4. She has an orgasm 15 seconds after asking "Are you in yet?"
}
} 3. Afterwards, she says, "You're the <yawn> best, baby!  That oughtta
} hold me for a few weeks."
}
} 2. During the act, you ask "Will you regret this in the morning?" and
} she replies "I'm regretting this right now."
}
} 1. She says: "Oh, yes!  Oh yes!  Are you done yet?  You're not?  OK.
} Oh, yes! Oh, yes!"
}
} The Oracle will give you $1,000,000 for one night with your girlfriend.