Selected-By: bremner@muff.cs.mcgill.ca (David BREMNER)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh Oracle of world fame, yea even unto those of us who are still
> struggling to get some news software to work:
>
> The **** with it. I just can't be creatively funny. Not to-day, maybe
> not again. A little background: I live in Johannesburg, South Africa.
> Thirty-odd of my countrymen lost their lives a few days ago for no good
> reason, and scores more were injured. By the grace of whatever deity
> keeps an eye out for software engineers/systems administrators, I was
> not in the wrong place at the wrong time - this time. My fellow
> countrymen seem locked on a course of self-destruction, and I'm playing
> the fiddle while Rome burns, so to speak.
>
> I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a job, a modest house, and a
> small car, all of which have simply put me in a higher debt bracket. I
> do hope that the fact that this comes from a "co" and not an "ac" does
> not mitigate against me, I do prefer eating and I'm not the academic
> type.
>
> I know I'm not the only one in the world with problems, but I could
> really use some of your famed creative humor about now. I'm sorry to be
> such a wet blanket in my first suplication, but even my Monty-Python
> collection isn't lightening the gloom.
>
> No reasonable job offer refused, my skills are still intact, even if
> I'm currently suffering a complete sense-of-humor failure.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Friend,
}
} The Oracle cannot in good faith maintain its omnipotent persona in the
} face of your plea. Instead you get a graduate student in
} upstate New York who has also felt powerless and fearful and overcome
} by the relentless stupidity of the powers that be and forces that are.
}
} I wish that I could make you laugh. As I read your supplication,
} radio reports of the state of emergency that has been imposed there -
} to maintain a safe voting environment!- bring tears to my eyes.
}
} I'm not sure what to tell you, but I do think that the smug sarcasm of
} the Oracle would be counterproductive and trivial. Instead, I offer to
} you what I have - a recipe for banana bread.
}
} You really don't need to know how to cook to do this - in fact, it's
} better if you don't know, since you will feel even better when you
} bake successfully if you do not usually bake.
}
} Ingredients:
}
} 3 ripe bananas, well mashed
} 2 eggs, well beaten
} 2 cups flour
} 3/4 cup sugar
} 1 teaspoon salt
} 1 teaspoon baking soda
} 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
}
} Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. (180 degrees Celsius; sorry I don't
} know the other metric equivalents). Grease a loaf pan. Mix the bananas
} and eggs together in a large bowl. Stir in the flour, sugar, salt, and
} baking soda. Add the walnuts and stir to blend. Put the batter in the
} pan and bake for 1 hour. Remove from pan to a rack to cool.
}
} I hope that you try this and find some satisfaction from it. If it
} doesn't make you feel better, I suggest you re-query the Oracle: food
} is an easier topic for comedic riffs than suffering.
}
} I have faith in your strength, and I am assured that your sense of
} humor shall return to you. My thoughts are with you.
}
} (not-exactly-incarnated as Priscilla Finley,
}       ba07230@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu)