Selected-By: Darkmage <IDDAVIS@vms.cis.pitt.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Tell me the answer to this question:
>
> Is Keanu Reeves really God?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No.  However, the difference is not always apparent to the uninitiated.
} I shall bring you closer to understanding of both Powers by pointing
} out some of the more important differences between God and Keanu
} Reeves:
}
} 1.)  God holds the power of Life and Death.  Keanu Reeves armwrestled
}      Death. (Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey)
}
} 2.)  God knows the fall of a sparrow.  Keanu Reeves falls from
}      airplanes. (Point Break)
}
} 3.)  God is the essence of Buddha-nature.  Keanu Reeves is just Buddha.
}      (Little Buddha)
}
} 4.)  God is infinitely loving and forgiving.  Keanu Reeves put a stake
}      through his girlfriend's heart when she left him for Dracula.
}      (Bram Stoker's Dracula)
}
} 5.)  God is the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.  Keanu Reeves is
}      Denzel Washington's evil brother.  (Much Ado About Nothing)
}
} 6.)  God saves our souls from eternal Damnation.  Keanu Reeves saves
}      buses. (Speed)
}
} 7.)  God left His Word to offer Truth through the ages.  Keanu Reeves
}      barely passed History.  (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure)
}
} 8.)  God is worshipped and loved by millions.  Keanu Reeves' lover kept
}      falling asleep.  (My Own Private Idaho)
}
} 9.)  God is all-seeing, all-knowing.  Keanu Reeves can't keep 320
}      gigabytes in his head for long without his brain blowing up.
}      (Johnny Mnemonic)
}
} 10.) In God's eyes:  "All the world's a stage, and all the men and
}      women merely players."  Keanu Reeves can't act.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Bible verse containing the word "Excellent!", and
} a list of all major differences between the two Madonnas.