Selected-By: Christophe Pettus <cep@best.com>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Mighty Oracle, seer of all, knower of even more, and groper of Lisa,
> please answer my query:
>
> When will Kris have E-Mail?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} January 1st, 2001: Kris, aka 'Christ', aka 'The Messiah', obtains an
}                    e-mail account with North-America On Line.
}
} January 2nd, 2001: Christ crossposts 'Second Coming of Christ! Repent
}                    or Burn in Hell, Sinners!' to all 20,000 newsgroups.
}
} January 3rd, 2001: Christ recieves the first of a torrent of indignant
}                    flames, including 982 megs of core dumps from
}                    alt.atheism. Even more flames are posted to the
}                    groups, and since most posters neglect to edit the
}                    newsgroups line, or clip the quote to the part they
}                    respond to, each group is flooded with an average of
}                    one million 400-line messages. Participants in the
}                    Longest Thread Ever complain about all the crap
}                    flooding the net.
}
} January 20th, 2001: The flamewar ends as the last node bursts into
}                     flames from an overheated hard drive. The latest
}                     predictors of the immenent death of the net gloat.
}
} February 1st, 2001: The phone bills arrive. ATT acquires 99.8% of the
}                     world's money supply, thus achieving at last their
}                     goal of world domination. All employees of Sprint
}                     and MCI are nailed to telephone poles.
}
} February 11th, 2001: The Christian underground collapses when Christ
}                      forgives ATT. ATT has him shot before he can
}                      change his mind.
}
} February 15th, 2001: Christ returns from the grave long enough to
}                      promise a a third coming in a thousand years,
}                      triggering a massive wave of suicides.
}
} You owe the Oracle a cancelbot.