Path: newsfeed.slurp.net!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!nntp.primenet.com!news.primenet.com!not-for-mail From: nickb@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Most Unethical Experiment. Date: 12 May 1999 23:12:02 GMT Organization: noitazinagrO Lines: 77 Message-ID: <7hd1s2$31$1@nnrp03.primenet.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: usr08.primenet.com X-Complaints-To: abuse@globalcenter.net X-Posted-By: nickb@206.165.6.208 (nickb) X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 5 croutons, 12 futons, 1999 Klingons X-Star-Wars-Date: May the 12th be with you. X-Newsreader: trn 4.0-test58 (13 May 97) Xref: newsfeed.slurp.net alt.religion.kibology:245070 X-Cache: nntpcache 2.3.2 (see http://www.nntpcache.org/) Now, here's an idea for you lonely women out there, and while it won't be pretty, it'll sure fill up a boring afternoon. Put on your BEST, most STUNNING outfit. Put on your best make-up, too. Wax your legs and put on that WonderBra(TM). Perfume, too. Make sure no man in his right mind could resist you, because you're heading to the Star Wars line! Your task is simple: Simply find out if any nurds would consider abdicating their places in line in exchange for one night of sex. And, of course, a week of their life back; I'm sure they've imagined the things they could have been doing during their self-imposed incarceration, none of which would have prevented them from ever seeing the movie. Use ONLY these two arguments in convincing them to leave their post. Do not use such arguments as "it's just a movie" or "get a life"; they probably get told this all the time. Just offer to do them if they will come to your hotel room, and address their fear that the movie won't be worth seeing if they're not the first to see it. It would probably be wise to also add the conditions that they shower and change clothes first. Don't ask them to give you their place in line. That would make too much sense to them. I have a hunch the guy at the very front of the line did something he isn't proud of to get that space. And besides, you don't want to spend a week in his place. No, the rest of the line must see him gathering his survival supplies and abandoning his coveted position and his fellow Star Wars fans, leaving them to think, for themselves, of what they are doing. And, of course, they should leave immediately, meaning if he's part of a shift rotation he will have to betray his friends. I wonder what the consequences would be. I hope you're ready to follow through. This isn't a survey, remember, this is an unethical psychological experiment. And don't tell them your real name or let them know where you live. Don't even bring your real wallet/purse, and use a cab all day so that nobody can track your license plate number. Wear a wig, too, or any other disguise you see fit, except for Groucho glasses. Remember, guys don't like chyx with moustaches. AND FOR THE SAKE OF GOD AND ALL MANKIND, BRING LOTS AND LOTS OF BIRTH CONTROL! We don't want any more of these people! Ideally, start at the front, work your way back. Let us know how far back you get before someone caves in. Now is not the time to be selective. There are three possible outcomes: First, the guy at the front will give in if his plutonium-controlled brain can even believe what he's hearing. Or second, the fandom level gets lower as you go further back, and soon it becomes low enough that you snare one. The third possibility is, that anyone willing to sacrifice weeks out of their life to spend two hours staring at the same screen that normal people get to see with, at most, a sacrifice of a few hours, have grown geek armor so thick that even CHYX can't penetrate it. I won't say this guarantees your success, but the truth is I lost my virginity during Christmas of '97 to a single mom who was waiting for the truck full of Tickle-Me Elmos to come in. I didn't tell anybody because I knew nobody would believe I'd get up that early in the morning. But I think I did a good job explaining to her kid how Christmas was postponed for a day. My friend, the engineering student, did even better, and he actually built his companion's kid a homemade Tickle-Me Elmo out of an existing Elmo doll and, well, something he found at her place. (Actually, I hope for humanity's sake that these rumors of people camping out for Star Wars tickets are just an urban legend.) -- Nick Bensema 98-KUPD Red Card #710563 UIN: 2135445 ~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please click on the banners so this post can remain free!