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From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: We need a story for a movie!!
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Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997 23:01:51 GMT
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bweiner@muon.rutgers.edu (Ben Weiner) wrote:
>
> tanner@aros.net (Stephen Tanner) writes:
> >
> > [insane brilliance]
> >
> > [Next time: My theory about how 50's musicals and Hong Kong action
> > movies are really the same, except one has dancing and one has fights]
> 
> What "except"?  You're exactly right.

What do YOU think... Linda?

(buzz)  (buzz)  (buzz)

Yes... Linda... you're right.  Linda... YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.

(Suddenly, Kibo, dressed entirely in black rubber firefighter gear and a
scary gas mask, bursts into alt.religion.kibology with a flamethrower and
sets the Internet on fire!)

Kibo:  Electronic communication is bad!  Everyone, go back to watching
television or I will have to set you on fire!  Drop your ice-cream dreams
of Internet chat!  The Hound is coming!  The Beryllium Hound is coming!

(Spot, made entirely out of beryllium, enters.  There is a hypodermic
needle filled with IQ-reducing drugs pointing outwards from his nose.  He
begins trying to stab those smart-aleck Internet users with it while
barking "NBC's got a wonderful summer rerun tonight!  If you haven't seen
it, it's new to you!")

Kibo:  The fire is good, the Internet is bad!
       The gun is good, the pen is evil!
       Burn, baby, burn!  Burn like the wind!
       Go put a flying flame to a rolling dougnut!
       Go put a flying flame to the mooooooon!

(We see close-ups of Web pages burning.  IRC, Usenet, and email going up in
smoke.  The backbone is burning!  The glass optical fibers are melting!
The network screams as it dies.  Then there come soft rains.)

Kibo:  Oy, these helmets don't 'alf make yer scalp itch.

(Claudia Christian enters, also in rubber firefighter gear.  The two of
them begin making out.  Their clothes make balloon-squeaky noises that
drive the audience from the theater.  Then the audience looks around and
realizes that it was NOT A MOVIE.)

> Three words: WEST SIDE STORY.

Yeah, but Robert Wise played the wacky neighbor in "The Stupids", and
directed a "Star Trek" movie, so I have disproved your whole theory!

                                -- K.
                                Kind of scary to think that the guy
                                who edited "Citizen Kane" made a
                                "Star Trek" film.  That's like if
                                Captain Kangaroo ever appeared in
                                a Tom Arnold movie.