Everything I ever needed to know I learned from Mortal Kombat

* Caucasian beggars with weird French accents in Asian countries are 
  probably lightning gods in disguise.  Don't even try to punch them.

* It doesn't do any good to take that red shirt off and tie it around your
  head; either way you're cannon fodder.

* If you've just defeated someone and his skull is on fire, RUN, because
  he might explode!

* If a woman is 10,000 years old and looks like a babe, she'll probably
  still look good in another 20-30 years.

* When trying to follow someone, if you have to brush lots of cobwebs out
  of the path, you're probably going the wrong way.

* The element that gives life is not carbon.

* Even four-armed giant mutants have tender genitals.

* No matter how popular they are in the arcade, blond babes work better as
  hostages in skimpy outfits than martial arts protagonists.

* When you kill someone who's stolen a thousand souls, shield your eyes or
  wear dark glasses.

* When an evil emperor the size of Godzilla threatens you, assume a 
  fighting stance.

* Life is *much* kewler if you yell "MORTALKOMBAAAT!" every 13 seconds.

Michael Straight nominates this movie for the Kibology hall of fame.
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/Magic Hitler Hats/"Hath grace limits?"
"Tight Camel Hairs!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."