Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: news.cinenet.net!syix.com!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!denver-news-feed1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!coop.net!world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Taiwan UFO cult expecting God on March 31 Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Hello-To: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Mon, 9 Mar 1998 06:05:46 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 6505 centons, 81 microns, .02 pharlap References: NNTP-Posting-Host: world.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: MT-NewsWatcher 2.3.6b2 Lines: 154 Xref: news.cinenet.net alt.religion.kibology:57034 X-Cache: nntpcache 1.0.6 (see ftp://suburbia.net/pub/nntpcache) I'm breaking a whole lot of federal laws by quoting what C-afp@clari.net (AFP) wrote in clari.living.bizarre: > > GARLAND, Texas, March 7 (AFP) - A Taiwanese UFO cult expecting > God to descend here on March 31 is spending its days in quiet > contemplation and prayer while fending off rumors of a planned mass > suicide. Just once I'd like to see a religious cult that commits an energy suicide. Or better yet, have God actually show up and they'd be really really embarassed because they didn't get aorund to committing suicide yet. "How dare you not be dead! I don't love you any more! It's too late to kill yourselves now, go watch TV!" > And this typical US suburb just north of Dallas, famous for > producing teenage singing sensation LeAnn Rimes, is taking the > notoriety in stride. > "They're very quiet, good neighbors," said Sandra Dunn, Whenever my neighbors are interviewed by Mike Wallace, he's always told "That nice Kibo kid is really, really, really, really, really quiet, and he's just the best neighbor anyone could ever possibly have, and he's even more quiet now than he was when I started this sentence. He's just that quiet." > who lives two doors down from the home where God, in the physical form > of cult leader Chen Hon-ming, is predicted to appear at precisely > 10:00 a.m. (1600 GMT) on March 31. I wonder if God observes Daylight Savings Time. I wonder if in Heaven St. Peter has one of those walls with a bunch of big newsroom clocks, labelled HEAVEN TIME, PURGATORY TIME, HELL TIME, and EARTH TIME. The PURGATORY TIME one turns real slow, and HELL TIME is flashing 12:00. > Upon appearing, he will replicate himself into hundreds of > thousands of clones, pass through walls and speak any language. And pick up pictures from the Sunday funnies! God bounces! God shatters if you hit him with a hammer! BE SURE TO RETURN GOD TO HIS PROTECTIVE CONTAINER WHEN PLAYTIME IS OVER! > "My husband is just worried that the flowers he just planted > will get trampled," said Dunn. "HEY SPOT!" shouted God. "IN YOUR RUSH TO BOARD MY FLYING SAUCER, YOU STEPPED ON MR. DUNN'S PANSIES! YOU DON'T GET TO COME!" Spot cried. "Waah! All because of some stupid pansies!" "WELL, NO, SPOT. IT'S BECAUSE YOU STEPPED ON THE PANSIES *AND* YOU'RE A DOG!" Several hundred _people_ walked over Spot and the pansies as they boarded the saucer. The End. > None of the neighbors expects a mass suicide like the one > committed by the Heaven's Gate cult in California last year. And > Richard Liu, a spokesman for the God and Buddha Salvation > Foundation, as the group is formally known, strenuously denies one > is planned. > Most of the 160 followers here -- mainly educated, middle-class > Taiwanese -- will just return home and restart their lives, selling > the 21 houses they bought in Garland. > A few, like Liu, say they will remain with Chen. > If God does not appear, it only means he has "modified his > plans," said Liu, 37, who had been a poet and English literature > professor in Taipei. If God does not appear, his prize will not be awarded! > While waiting, members are purifying themselves through prayer > and repentance, he said. Signs have been posted on their front doors > warning that only vegetarians may enter or face "retribution." Yeah! They'll be punished by being forced to eat VEGETARIAN FOOD! > Chen, 42, a silver-haired aluminum-foil-haired > social science professor who in 1993 > began espousing a mix of Christian, Buddhist and New Age beliefs > spiced with a healthy dose of science fiction, said he would > willingly be "executed, stoned to death or put on a cross" if his > predictions do not come true. > Garland was selected, said Chen, because in Taiwanese it sounds > like "Godland." Ah, but "Troy, New York" in Taiwanese sounds like "Give Kibo All Your Money". > Liu denied that his cult believed that God would appear in a > flying saucer, saying rather that the deity was expected to just > suddenly materialize. > The flying saucer won't appear until next year, Although you can download a free beta version now. > when God will use one to save people around the world from a nuclear war that will blow the Moon out of orbit with Martin Landau and Barbara Bain and that wacky Barry Morse riding along. > Chen predicted will break out in January 1999 when China goes to war > against Taiwan, said Liu. > Chen also predicted that the second Korean War will break out in > February, East Asia will collapse economically in June and July and > most Taiwanese will die in August when three nuclear power plants > explode. And then all eight thousand nuclear power plants in New York City will explode. > Then, according to Chen, a nuclear bomb will detonate in the > Middle East in October, on Jesus' true birthday. > Lake Street Beach in Gary, Indiana, a hardscrabble rustbelt > industrial city, has been selected as the spot where survivors of > the "Great Tribulation" will be brought in God's flying saucer, the > group believes. > "America is the only place that's safe," said Liu. That sentence is PROOF he's a loony. > Liu traced the suicide rumors to relatives unhappy about family > members picking up and moving to Texas. Some couples have been split > by one spouse's belief in Chen's prophecies, he said. > There have even been several attempts to force family members > back to Taiwan, said Walt Hsu, the branch manager of the Asian-owned > Texas First National Bank in nearby Richardson, Texas, who has > befriended the group. > "At least one escaped from the airport and came back to > Garland," he said. > Nearly all of the 160 cult members are on tourist visas. Some > have sold their homes on land-short Taiwan for as much as 500,000 > dollars and bought houses in Garland for 80,000 to 120,000 dollars > and are living on the difference, said Hsu. > "They get great bargains," he said, explaining they buy food > communally, paying cash for 300 bags of rice. > Even if God fails to appear, most will return happy despite > spending 20,000 to 30,000 dollars because of the better quality of > life here than in Taiwan, said Hsu. "Garland is quieter and the air > is cleaner." Boy, will their faces be red if God comes to Taiwan. -- K. I think God's pink flying saucer will land in Four Corners, so that God can say "Woo-hoo, I'm standing in four states AND I'm three-in-one!"