Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
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From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: By the way:  New policy goes into effect NOW!
Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself)
Message-ID: <kibo-2904982220300001@ppp0a019.std.com>
Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 02:20:18 GMT
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Just thought you'd like to know that

PowerPC access exception 01FD1DFC at BigLGetData+000C

ack!  I'm trying to type a SERIOUS MESSAGE TO ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY
and you people crashed my newsreader with an EXCEPTIONALLY BIG L!
Fie on your comically oversize novelty capitals and your memory segmentation
violations!  I'm talkin' to you, _Jackson!  Get back in the Bowels Of
The Memory Mgr!  HQSetState my Aunt Fanny!  And keep your CursorDeviceDispatch
off my body!

Anyway, what I was trying to type when Big Al's Big L broke my computer was,

Just thought you'd like to know that from now on, instead of killfiling
net.kooks, *plonk*ing clueless newbies, catchuping unread-never-will-be-read
articles, and so on, from now on I will "flunk" the bad parts of the Internet.

So if Headmaster Kibo flunks you, you will have to repeat alt.religion.kibology.
Unless, of course, it is determined that you are a Very Special Internet
Personality, in which case you will be sent via the little bus to
Special Internet, where you will be required to read remedial.* newsgroups
and talk to Mr. High Hat, and they will treat you gently over there and
not punish you for being late just because you tied your own shoes together
because you thought it would be funny but you learned how to tie shoelaces
but not to untie them.

Of course, those of you who do not flunk may "graduate" from
alt.religion.kibology and will have to "find a job" to "earn money",
by performing tasks such as "cleaning Kibo's roof gutters" and
"driving Kibo to the Masonic Temple and then waiting with the car".

Alternatively, some of you may choose to enter alt.religion.kibology's
post-graduate studies, where you can become an apprentice to an associate
professor's assistant, ranking slightly below "Freshman", and eventually
moving up the ranks to "associate professor" and then "half professor"
and "full professor" and "rear professor", at which point you get to
write a book popularizing science in layman's terms to alienate yourself
from the entire scientific community.

This system will work, because I said so.  Also, if this system fails,
you all get drafted into Kibo's Private Army.  This is an army where
everyone is a private except for Twenty-Nine Star Super-General Kibo,
so that the ranks average out the same as any normal army.  But I feel
it is unlikely that it will come to this.  Now that alt.religion.kibology
is an accredited university, with its own pathetic little Union pizza
parlot and its very own legend about the campus library sinking, we can
do whatever I want.

.'. Q E D,  your pal,  Wolfgang Amadeus Kibo IIIIIIIIIIIIIX

                                                -- K.

                                                The Emperor Norton of
                                                the lunatic ward.