In misc.writing.screenplays, jjxaj@aol.com (JJXAJ) wrote: > > I have a serious problem here. I was asked to write a script that would > run approximately an hour. I ran 6 minutes over. No big deal. However, > since then, I have decided to part ways with the director and take my > script to a different director. Problem:He wants 2 hours. The script > now is tight. If one scene were cut, there would be a major gap. And, > if one scene were added, it would pretty much be a pointless scene. > So, any advice? > JJXAJ Got 66 minutes and Mr. Spielberg wants 120 to quality for an Oscar? No prob! You need the help of a professional filler writer. Many such professional filler writers for hire can be found on alt.religion.kibology, the official newsgroup of the Filler Guild Of America. Look at these fine examples of our proud work! PROBLEM: "Waterworld" had only six pages of script. SOLUTION: A team of nine Filler Guild Of America writers worked day and night padding out the script with brilliantly-written filler like SCENE 17: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 29: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 70: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 159B: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT PROBLEM: "Friday The 13th, Part 14" was too short to be scary. SOLUTION: Crack writers from the Filler Guild Of America added a new final scene: FREEZE-FRAME. HOLD FOR NINETY SECONDS. SLOW FADE TO BLACK. MUSIC STING. ANOTHER MUSIC STING. SEVERAL MORE MUSIC STINGS. CUT TO EVIL FREDDY KRUEGER. FREDDY: Ha! Fooled ya! Freddy's back! Now I'm gonna kill you with my super-scary credits... OF DEATH!!! ROLL CREDITS. INTERCUT THEM WITH NUMEROUS REACTION SHOTS OF TERRIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBERS, ALL PLAYED BY THE SAME TWO PEOPLE. FREDDY: Ha ha ha! Now you're deader than ever! ROLL CREDITS AGAIN. SHOW CARD READING "THE END" FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. VOICEOVER: The... (pause) ...End! PROBLEM: Roger Corman forgot the plot of his new film during the second day of the five-day shoot, and hadn't thought to write a script. SOLUTION: Melvin, the office janitor of the Filler Guild Of America, wrote a new script. Then six Xeroxes were made, and five of them were cut up into little pieces and glued back together in random order by Binky The Spastic Chimp to give Mr. Corman ideas for how to re-edit the movie into six different films, "Space Disaster", "Voyage Beyond The Death Town", "The Adventures Of Captain Nuko", "Deathkiller", "Revenge of Deathkiller", and "Roger Corman's Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead." Now YOU, TOO can hire the ace penners of the Filler Guild Of America and FGOA up your script real good! As we like to say around the office, "The FGOA isn't just good writers. It's good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good writers who are good." THE END! -- K. Then Freddy comes out of the screen and kills Roger Corman and Kevin Costner! Yay! Newsgroups: misc.writing.screenplays,alt.religion.kibology,alt.cult-movies Path: news.cinenet.net!news.ececs.uc.edu!news.kei.com!news-out.internetmci.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!4.1.16.34!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!sunqbc.risq.qc.ca!atl.bellsouth.net!uunet!in1.uu.net!world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Lengthening Your Script Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: Date: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 08:50:33 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 8716 centons, 75 microns, .02 monera References: <19971202044200.XAA20161@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: world.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: HotNews. Read, search, post to Usenet through your microwave! Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Lines: 67 Xref: news.cinenet.net misc.writing.screenplays:31004 alt.religion.kibology:48936 alt.cult-movies:74407 X-Cache: nntpcache 1.0.6 (see ftp://suburbia.net/pub/nntpcache) In misc.writing.screenplays, jjxaj@aol.com (JJXAJ) wrote: > > I have a serious problem here. I was asked to write a script that would > run approximately an hour. I ran 6 minutes over. No big deal. However, > since then, I have decided to part ways with the director and take my > script to a different director. Problem:He wants 2 hours. The script > now is tight. If one scene were cut, there would be a major gap. And, > if one scene were added, it would pretty much be a pointless scene. > So, any advice? > JJXAJ Got 66 minutes and Mr. Spielberg wants 120 to quality for an Oscar? No prob! You need the help of a professional filler writer. Many such professional filler writers for hire can be found on alt.religion.kibology, the official newsgroup of the Filler Guild Of America. Look at these fine examples of our proud work! PROBLEM: "Waterworld" had only six pages of script. SOLUTION: A team of nine Filler Guild Of America writers worked day and night padding out the script with brilliantly-written filler like SCENE 17: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 29: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 70: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT SCENE 159B: KEVIN COSTNER ACTS LIKE A JERK WHILE SAILING HIS BOAT PROBLEM: "Friday The 13th, Part 14" was too short to be scary. SOLUTION: Crack writers from the Filler Guild Of America added a new final scene: FREEZE-FRAME. HOLD FOR NINETY SECONDS. SLOW FADE TO BLACK. MUSIC STING. ANOTHER MUSIC STING. SEVERAL MORE MUSIC STINGS. CUT TO EVIL FREDDY KRUEGER. FREDDY: Ha! Fooled ya! Freddy's back! Now I'm gonna kill you with my super-scary credits... OF DEATH!!! ROLL CREDITS. INTERCUT THEM WITH NUMEROUS REACTION SHOTS OF TERRIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBERS, ALL PLAYED BY THE SAME TWO PEOPLE. FREDDY: Ha ha ha! Now you're deader than ever! ROLL CREDITS AGAIN. SHOW CARD READING "THE END" FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. VOICEOVER: The... (pause) ...End! PROBLEM: Roger Corman forgot the plot of his new film during the second day of the five-day shoot, and hadn't thought to write a script. SOLUTION: Melvin, the office janitor of the Filler Guild Of America, wrote a new script. Then six Xeroxes were made, and five of them were cut up into little pieces and glued back together in random order by Binky The Spastic Chimp to give Mr. Corman ideas for how to re-edit the movie into six different films, "Space Disaster", "Voyage Beyond The Death Town", "The Adventures Of Captain Nuko", "Deathkiller", "Revenge of Deathkiller", and "Roger Corman's Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead." Now YOU, TOO can hire the ace penners of the Filler Guild Of America and FGOA up your script real good! As we like to say around the office, "The FGOA isn't just good writers. It's good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good writers who are good." THE END! -- K. Then Freddy comes out of the screen and kills Roger Corman and Kevin Costner! Yay!