1.)  Gravity does not move in straight lines.  It only appears
     so to an untrained eye.  Gravity actually moves in cursive handwriting.

2.)  The Earth has a second moon, The Noom, which is never visible
     because it is always rotating faster than the Earth so that we
     never see it because it's always beyond the horizon.

3.)  Cats and dogs are single atoms.  Cats are positive, dogs are negative,
     and fleas are the binding force.

4.)  If you go several hours without blinking you'll die when your brain
     dries up and at the autopsy it'll look like a little raisin unless
     they put it in water immediately.  (Matt McIrvin helped with this one.)

5.)  The heaviest known substance is soap suds, because enough of that
     foam could crush anything!

6.)  It's only possible to eat four Morton pot pies in one lifetime.
     (Tom Dignan proved this experimentally.  I wish him a speedy recovery.)

7.)  JFK was killed the hide the conspiracy to change the musical "A"
     to 448 cycles per second, a move designed to fool people into thinking
     that "different" notes sound different.  Get real!  They all sound
     the same to me, and someday you too will realize the truth.

8.)  The galaxy was formed by a very slow process akin to claymation.

9.)  On any multiple-choice test, more answers will be "C" than "A" because
     of the Coriolis Force, except in the Eastern Hemisphere.

10.) "SeaQuest DSV" will be cancelled after its second season.

11.) Anyone who disagrees with my theory is a crackpot!

								-- K.