I, Kibo, hereby resolve that in 1995:

-- I will stop producing bootleg episodes of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers"
to peddle to gullible children.  I will also stop explaining to people
how much better my production values are than the real ones.

-- I will again go another year without mentioning Roger Corman.
Whoops.  1995 is RUINED!!!  And it's ALL ROGER CORMAN'S FAULT!

-- I will find a way to replace all the 7-segment LEDs in the world with
6-segment ones capable of displaying everything except the word "leggings".

-- I will start a massive letter-writing campaign to NBC saying
"Please cancel 'Star Trek' again!"

-- I will keep shaking my Dr. Pepper bottles until I experience every
variant of "eye or other serious injury" that the warnling label alludes to.

-- I will solve the mystery of why "The Flintstones" was ever popular at all.

-- I will install a PowerPC RISC processor to make my Atari 2600 go
faster than ever.

-- I will proofread.  Sometimes.

-- I will eat less cheese.  I *never* eat cheese.

-- I will invent something called the "heavy bulb" which will give off
gravity when plugged in.

-- I will crank my Big Bird Jack-In-The-Box one-eighth revolution per
day and deep-fry it after it pops.

-- I will sing "Celebration" whenever I want to make everyone go away.

-- I will mail myself fewer threatening letters.

-- I will set the oven for degrees which are not multiples of 25.

-- I will send a fax from the beach, attend a meeting in my underwear,
cross the country without stopping for directions or the bathroom,
and renew my driver's license at the circus.  I will.

-- I will stop making fun of Captain Planet's real name.

-- I will staunchly refuse to resort to fisticuffs even if I am trying to
prevent someone from launching dozens of nuclear missiles at the Louvre.

-- I will use less syntax.

-- I will post my BIG .signature, which will make the other two seem tiny.

FURTHERMORE:

-- I will NOT count the number of phosphor dots on my TV screen.

-- I will NOT learn the names of the "Earth 2" cast.

-- I will NOT drop anvils off of cliffs onto unsuspecting people, except
for politicians and food-service workers.

-- I will NOT double-space posts.

-- I will NOT shorten FedEx's name again to FE.

-- I will NOT fill my pockets with $10.00 worth of hot sauce packets
after buying a 59c taco at Taco Bell.  I will bring a briefcase.

-- I will NOT discover what the equivalent of microphone feedback
involving monosodium glutamate is.

-- I will NOT explain any 'jokes'.  I will NOT tell any 'jokes'.

-- I will NOT invent "chicken finger paint".

-- I will NOT admit to being BIFF.

-- I will NOT eat, or sniff, library paste.

-- I will NOT cut the holes out of my waffles before eating them.

-- I will NOT adhere to any New Year's resolutions.

							-- K.