Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.radio.paul-harvey,alt.catastrophism Path: news.cinenet.net!syix.com!news7.crl.com!nntp3.crl.com!news.gv.tsc.tdk.com!hub.org!news.theriver.com!www.nntp.primenet.com!globalcenter1!news.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cam-news-feed1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!nntp.neu.edu!grapevine.lcs.mit.edu!bone.think.com!blanket.mitre.org!world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Scienterrific breakthrough! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: Date: Tue, 19 Aug 1997 06:04:39 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 7734 centons, 95 microns, .01 hrothgars Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0a001.std.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Yet Another NewsWatcher 2.4.0 Lines: 34 Xref: news.cinenet.net alt.religion.kibology:36955 alt.radio.paul-harvey:538 Okay, I'm sick of radar, and sonar, and lidar. So now I give the world something better which will replace them all! The world, not the other things. No, wait, I meant it would replace all that radar crud. It's... KIBAR. Kibar works by emitting a tightly-collimated beam of intense bozosity, so powerful that it cannot be seen, of such a bozotic frequency that it passes straight through the human body, just like a harmless gamma ray. The bozosity waves collide with people as they move through the miracle of the Internet, and the resoluting interactions cause bozotic reflections to be transmitted back to the originator. These patterns of bozosity can be used to diagram the thickness of Internet users, except for those who have sanely taken the precaution of wrapping their heads in aleenimum foil. What is allenimum, you ask? Follow me over to my laboratory refrigillator and I'll demonstrate. Last night while reheating some pashgetti and meat bulbs in my microwave oven, I discovered that concentrated radiation can change ordinary aluminum into the exotic new material I call "aleenimum". Surprisingly, aleenimum is not only lighter than air, it is also heavier than water! This means that if you were to drink it, you would simultaneously float off into space and experience a mild laxative effect. I call this laxative effect The Krondar Principle. The Krondar Principle has many practical application, such as predicting the isomorphic mapping between any duck and a rectangle (but only in Chinatown) and preventing hair loss in people. However, as hair loss rarely occurs inside a person, this is of no value whatsoever. These results were discarded and replaced with these others, which you are now reading. P.S. Kibar could be used to deflect the Moon into a more superelliptical orbit to elimate the bumps when it goes around the corners of the square. Hic! -- K. Great Taste-Less Space-Time.