Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Path: news.cinenet.net!news.ececs.uc.edu!news.kei.com!news.texas.net!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!Sprint!uunet!in1.uu.net!uucp3.uu.net!world!kibo
From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Are you sure you want DANNY to have full access to Internet newsgroups?
Message-ID: <ECEFIE.JAn@world.std.com>
Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com
Organization: HappyNet Headquarters
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 1997 19:59:02 GMT
Lines: 66
Xref: news.cinenet.net alt.religion.kibology:33711

[an ad in a magazine I'm reading]

a s  h i st e a c h e ra r e  y o u
                           s u r ey o u  w a n t
              D A N N Yt o  h a v e
             _____________F_U_L_L____A_C_C_E_S_S
                         to
                              i n t e r n e t
                           n e w s g r o u p s ?

[picture of a little boy clutching his temples in horror]

With Newstand, Danny won't be into anything you don't want him into.
[I want him into alt.sex.fetish.robots.]
This standalone Usenet news server comes with an administrator
[named Dave Lawrence]
that allows you to choose from the thousands of newsgroups available,
[unlike competing products which allow you to choose from 
thousands of newsgroups which aren't available, like bleez.whiz.i.love.orbitz]
opening doors to science, history, museums, and at the same time
locking away those that could corrupt his mind.
[Watch out, a.r.k! We could go to jail for not talking about museums!
And what if there's a Museum Of Pervery that he needs to see?]

Newstand delivers the superior performance and control you require. All
in one very affordable package that runs on a Power Mac
[ooh, it must be a super-K00L news server, it requires RISC]
and communicates with any operating system.
[How about the Atari 800's? It didn't even have a carriage return
character in the lower 128 of its character set!]
Ask for your free demo.
[I urge all a.r.k readers to ask for everything that's free. Now.
You've got it coming to you. Get it before they catch on.]
See how you can educate Danny...
[hey Danny, wanna see my birdie?]
without worrying about sending him down any dark alleys.
[Hey Danny, go down that dark alley to learn about Copernicus!]

IMAGINA!(tm)

[In fine print they claim their news server has a pending patent.]



So, benevolent a.r.k readers, this ad poses the immortal question:
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT DANNY TO HAVE FULL ACCESS TO INTERNET NEWSGROUPS?
I say we as a group must rise up and say, "Hell, no! He should be able
to READ all the dirty pictures groups, but we don't want him POSTING any
stupid 'Me too!' messages all over! Danny should have to pay 25c every
time he posts!"

I want you all to go to your window, get up, get out of your chair, go
to your window and shout, "HELL NO! DANNY SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ THE
DIRTY PICTURES GROUPS, AND SHOULD GIVE KIBO TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!"

The picture of little Danny looking frightened at the perverted antics
of the Bad Mans on Usenet is truly heartwarming. I wonder who he's
looking at? 

Fill in the blank: Danny is looking at ______________.

						-- K.
						Hey Danny, wanna see
						my resume?

						[ porck chops & appleause ]