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From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Computers is st00pid!  Programmers is st00pider!
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Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 04:17:31 GMT
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Okay, so I was looking at the Web site of a major utility company trying
to see if I could do things like look at my bill or order service on-line.

They wanted me to type in my phone number, because the phone number uniquely
identifies a person these days, and because they presumably have records
of who has what phone number because

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PHONE COMPANY HERE!!!!!!

So anyway, they gave me a blank space exactly wide enough to type
"(666) 123-4567" into.

And it didn't work.  Because I typed "(666) 123-4567", because that's my
phone number.  (At least here on Sesame Street, which is like Tee-Vee Land,
except all the phone numbers are in the "123" exchange instead of "555".)

Turns out they required me to retype it with (a) no hyphen, b no parentheses,
and cnospaces.

So let me get this straight.

They have a honking big computer that has a list of the phone numbers
of everyone on the east coast, and they record every phone call ever made
and who and when and where so they can bill me in fractions of a cent,
and yet they can't look me up because the computer is too dumb to realize
that blank spaces are not digits?

When exactly did parentheses become meaningful to the telephone system,
anyway?  I don't recall ever having a long distance call not complete
because I didn't dial parentheses around the area code.

And of course they made the blank exactly long enough for "(666) 123-4567",
not exactly long enough for "6661234567", which incidentally IS A FIXED LENGTH!

Wouldn't it have been less work for the phone company to have told
the computer "THROW AWAY THE SPACES, YOU PINHEADED MAINFRAME" rather
than writing the page of help which explains (a) no hyphen, b no parentheses,
and cnospaces?

WHOOPS, I JUST USED A QUESTION MARK!!!  HOPE I DIDN'T CRASH YOUR INTERNET!!!

                                             -- K.

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P.S.  The same company also only supports high-speed Internet access from
Windows computers and iMacs -- not regular Macs -- because fruit-flavored
iMacs are more powerful than any other kind of Mac which doesn't come in
five candy colors, and because they have their Ethernet addresses printed
on a sticker on the outside just like your ordinary Windows machine.
Here on Sesame Street in Fantasyland.